You get one life to live the way you want to.

death-by-lulz:

its hard to be attractive when youre not

(via the-absolute-funniest-posts)

justbadpuns:

I, for one, like Roman numerals.

(via justbadpuns)

hi-def-doritos:

hi-def-doritos:

charming-tothelast:

hi-def-doritos:

manasaysay:

hi-def-doritos:

A while back I heard my friend (male) insult another dude by saying, “You look like the kind of guy who wouldn’t go to Wal-Mart to buy his girlfriend a box of tampons” and I still think about that crowning insult sometimes

My dad once called another guy “someone who thinks loading the dishwasher once in a while makes him less of a man”

I like your dad already

one time my dad’s boss was giving him shit for always leaving work early so he could get home and help my mom with me when i was a newborn and his boss said “i’ve never changed a diaper in my life” really proudly and my dad responded “i’d be ashamed to ever admit i was that worthless of a husband”

oh WOW

This is by far my most popular post.

(via confirmance)

thetiredpianist:

farrentalon:

young-il-long-kiyoshi:

cryoverkiltmilk:

squeeful:

ineptshieldmaid:

marzipanandminutiae:

feels-for-the-fictional:

satanpositive:

Roses are red, that much is true, but violets are purple, not fucking blue.

I have been waiting for this post all my life.

They are indeed purple,
But one thing you’ve missed:
The concept of “purple”
Didn’t always exist.

Some cultures lack names
For a color, you see.
Hence good old Homer
And his “wine-dark sea.”

A usage so quaint,
A phrasing so old,
For verses of romance
Is sheer fucking gold.

So roses are red.
Violets once were called blue.
I’m hugely pedantic
But what else is new?

My friend you’re not wrong
About Homer’s wine-ey sea!
Colours are a matter
Of cultural contingency;

Words are in flux
And meanings they drift
But the word purple
You’ve given short shrift.

The concept of purple,
My friends, is old
And refers to a pigment
once precious as gold.

By crushing up molluscs
From the wine-dark sea
You make a dye:
Imperial decree

Meant that in Rome,
to wear purpura
was a privilege reserved

For only the emperor!

The word ‘purple’,
for clothes so fancy,
Entered English
By the ninth century

.

Why then are voilets
Not purple in song?
The dye from this mollusc,
known for so long

Is almost magenta;
More red than blue.
The concept of purple
is old, and yet new.

The dye is red,
So this might be true:
Roses are purple
And violets are blue

.

While this song makes me merry,
Tyrian purple dyes many a hue
From magenta to berry
And a true purple too.

But fun as it is to watch this poetic race
The answer is staring you right in the face:
Roses are red and violets are blue
Because nothing fucking rhymes with purple.

Originally posted by enjoythebits

IT GOT SO MUCH BETTER.

Originally posted by alepeterslove

My reaction, only with coffee.

Hang on, need to send this to my literature prof

(Source: katelizabeth, via confirmance)

bepeu:

mosquitos are so stupid they dont fcking even have toes

(via civilwhore)

kevingetem:

If u defend my name when im not around I truly appreciate u

(via approach)